September horoscopes

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

Happy birthday Virgos! Starting school again? A new job? Time for some dedicated hard work, which usually comes naturally to you, but after a summer of letting go and choosing play over work it may be difficult to get back in the swing of things. Remember to give yourself a break sometimes, both physically and mentally. It’s okay to watch Netflix and nap just stay away from Netflix and chill. That will spell disaster in your life.

Your lucky colour this month is ‘Taylor Swift’s lipstick red’

Libra (September 23-October 22)

Whatever you want, you’ve got it! Dream job? It’s yours. Hot crush? They’re yours. Multiple crushes? Get ‘em all! Fame and fortune? For sure. Amazing grades? Guaranteed. Affordable apartment with all your friends and someone else does all the cleaning? Libra, you can everything you’ve ever wanted. Just text ‘I want it all’ to Sharpay (7427729). *Standard messaging rates apply, limited time offer, must answer skill testing question.

Your lucky colour this month is grandma’s hair colour.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

As you crawl out of bed in the morning beware of your distrusting nature affecting your relationships. Your jealousy and secretiveness can have devastating effects on the people you love. They won’t stay around forever and this month will be a good time to determine who you really need in your life and who is better off left in the past. Be your ruthless self when you make those decisions and ensure that any past loves don’t make the cut. They’ve got to go.

Your lucky colour this month is your favourite braces elastic’s colour.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

This week I ordered fries at a restaurant and the server forgot to punch them in and then the kitchen closed so I couldn’t have any fries. I was sad but I got through it. You can get through this month too if you want. Ps. I replaced it with garlic fingers on the way home so if you really don’t think you can make do just eat your emotions and stress away. Works every time for Sagittarius. Trust me.

Your lucky colour this month is the colour of your childhood bedroom.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

These past months have been a time of transformation and growth, whether you’ve known it or not. Which means this period afterwards when things start to return to normal may seem dull and unfulfilling at times. It probably is. Up to you whether you feel like settling back to your boring life or keeping it interesting and growing as a person. Keep your heart open, but remember that love is not a thing.

Your lucky colour this month is ‘elementary school science notebook green’.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

Some haikus for you to get by when you’re feeling down.

stormy darkness is

inside your worried heart now

but it too shall pass

 

a lightness flows through

moving fast when possible

stopping dead for you

 

Perhaps this month should be a month of artistic endeavors for you. A haiku is a great place to start.

Your lucky colour this month is ‘danger death rocks at Peggy’s cove gray’.

 

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

Ah Pisces, so often considered gentle, intuitive and caring but this can take its toll and turn your thoughts dark or drain you emotionally. Be vigilant. Be stern. Don’t let people around you take advantage of your pleasant personality. Those people are not your friends and should be dismissed immediately. Find solace in the people who love you for who you are and not what you can give them. If you need an outlet for pent up dark emotions, the internet is abundant with virtual realities where you can express freely.

Your lucky colour this month is ‘mix all the slushie flavours brown’.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

A friend of mine recently had a revelation that the place she thought she was in love with was in reality riddled with problems and people she did not connect with. Remember that as your surroundings change and things you looked forward to suddenly become true. As you grow, so do your perspectives on the people and places in your life. Don’t be afraid to let something go just because you once envisioned it marvellously in your dreams. Come back to reality and make choices based on today, not visions of today you made up years, months or even days ago.

Your lucky colour this month is ‘close your eyes really tight red’.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Alright Taurus. The game is up. Time to be way more chill and start making some compromises in your life or you’re going to see it go downhill. Fast. You’re walking the line between commitment and stubbornness and one move could send you the wrong way. Make sure that the things and people you’re devoted to are really in everyone’s best interests. This should be a month of self reflection.

Your lucky colour this month is ‘bottom of the ocean black’.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

There will always be decisions to make. Should I have that extra coffee? Should I go to the gym? Is that person worth my time? Is this university worth my time? Should I get out of bed? Should I go to bed? They can be big or small, serious or not but you’ve got to make them either way. By making the small ones everyday and sticking to your choices, the tough ones become easier later on. So have that extra coffee, skip the gym, have a drink with your friends instead and don’t sleep tonight. It’s overrated anyways. Or do. It doesn’t matter, just make the decision and own it.

Your lucky colour this month is ‘steal an ounce of each of your parent’s liquor clear guilt’

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

If you google the Cancer sign, you may come across the words ‘over-emotional’ ‘sensitive’ and ’cries a lot’ in a seemingly negative way, but y’all know that was written by jealous folk who wish they were as caring, empathetic and in tune with their emotions as Cancerians are. People who truly know you (if you’ll ever let them in) know that you’ll always be there for them, and your ability to be sensitive to others, understand their emotions and allow them to express them the way they want is extremely valuable and should never be looked down upon. As the greatest zodiac sign, you will always feel negativity and jealousy from others who wish to be you, but remember to surround yourself with those who wish to gain from your wisdom and awesomeness instead of bringing you down.

Your lucky colour this month is the colour of milk swirling into coffee.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

Wow! You are majorly killing it at life right now! Way to go and keep up the good work! That shouldn’t go to your head though. You’ve worked hard for everything that has brought you to where you are today and you should be proud of that, but stay humble. Your progress will be more meaningful if you aren’t concerned with the admiration and approval of others. Do it for yourself, because you’ve earned it and deserve it. Recognition will come naturally when you’re not seeking it. Also, this month you should cut your hair.

Your lucky colour this month is ‘blinding sun yellow’.