Fear not, King’s––you do not need to take “Magic, Science and the Occult” to immerse yourself in the study of cults. According to every first year enrolled in the Foundation Year Program, King’s itself is a cult. Its intention: convert its students to Christianity. Western history surprisingly disguises indoctrination into Christianity beautifully! Before signing your life away in the Matricula, make sure you’re ready to live a life centered around Christian teachings and celebrations. Familiarize yourself with the important dates. You’re lucky––your school breaks magically coincide with them. Surprising how an educational institution could possibly be influenced by religion. Wait until you find out that universities were initially founded as religious institutions, and that society was explicitly non-secular until the French Revolution (which is not covered until section five). I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the foundations of western society are pretty Christian. Welcome to the world you’ve been living in!
Believing that FYP is attempting to convert you to Christianity is a rite of passage, but conversing about it loudly in the Wardy will inevitably produce groans from the upper years. Listen, we have all been eighteen-year-old self-proclaimed social justice warriors who believe they have a personality disorder. At that stage, it’s hard to see things critically. FYP’s structure consistently produces the Dunning-Kruger effect. You’ve read some books. You know all the tutors’ names. You feel you won that intellectual debate with your dad over Thanksgiving. You’ve written three or four essays, and maybe even bumped your grades up from a C to a B-. You must really know it all. How could someone like you be moved by religious ideation? Blame King’s, not your own weaknesses.
But frankly, we have had enough. Forget FYP Tips, this is a FYP Intervention. Listen closely: King’s is not a cult, and the Foundation Year Program is not indoctrinating you into Christianity. People have reacted strongly to these ideas since time immemorial. That’s kind of the point. The fact that you can’t recognize that Christian influence is entrenched in western thought and culture just shows that you are many, many months away from finishing FYP. The whole point of the program is to teach you critical thinking. You’re clearly not there yet.
Still don’t understand why you have to spend so much time reading about Christianity? Well, it dominated political, social, economic and religious aspects of life in the Middle Ages. Unsurprisingly, the texts with the strongest and most lasting impacts were Christian. Context clues, people. Do you think Neil Robertson drew the readings out of a hat? No. They were chosen because they were important and influential. Wildly so– the Middle Ages lasted 1000 years. That period spans longer than the rest of the FYP sections combined. You would have to write something pretty remarkable to stand out from the masses.
So please, cut the bullshit. If King’s was a cult, it would be doing a lot more than making you say a few words in Latin. I know you like feeling special, but trust me: they do not care about you enough to do that. You’ll figure that out by section four. I doubt anyone is feeling spiritually stimulated by Kant, so enjoy these feelings while you still can. As for your critical thinking skills? They’ll get there eventually. By that point, I promise you will not have been indoctrinated in any kind of cult. At least, not one run by King’s.
