Let’s be honest — we’ve all thought about it. FYP’s great and all, but some of us have dreams bigger than the four walls of the King’s quad. Some of us want to see the world. Experience life, man. Pop the bubble, dismantle the echo chamber, get our feet on the ground … Or maybe you’re just really not vibing with the Maritime weather. That’s cool too.
If you’ve already made up your mind about spreading your wings and soaring far away from this windy hellscape, you probably have a plan in place already — but if not, I’m here to offer you a few back-ups to keep on your radar, just in case.
Montreal:
This wouldn’t be a FYP-and-dip list without mentioning the greenest pasture for bright-eyed FYP grads ready to dip their toes into the waters of the real world. Montreal has all kinds of allure for King’s students, especially if they’re the type to call themselves a “creative” and complain that Gen Z just doesn’t want to go out anymore, everyone’s so boring, how come no one’s ever offering me questionable substances? And who can blame them? Montreal’s the place to be. It’s the big city! Like Halifax, only with real clubs! Like New York, only closer to your parents’ house! Like Toronto, only infinitely more chic! Because it’s French. I’m sure you don’t have to worry about brushing up on your language skills, either. You were in Core French until, like, Grade 10. You love those Acadian drag queens on TikTok. You’re practically fluent.
Home:
What was it that Ariana Grande’s green lesbian lover in Wicked was on about? There’s no place like home … But seriously. There’s no shame in moving back to your hometown. If I thought I could survive it, I’d definitely be living with my parents right now. The housing market in Halifax is cut-throat, and grocery prices are so inflated it takes some real strength to not break down crying in the Atlantic Superstore dairy aisle. If you’re reading this, there’s already a 50 per cent chance you’re from some podunk small town in nowhere, Ontario — also known as oh, just a couple hours outside Toronto, you’ve probably never heard of it, but we’ve got a Walmart and a Tim Horton’s so I’d definitely call it a city — so I’m sure you’re raring to get back. Living in a town with a transit system is totally overrated, anyway.
Gap Year:
So you’ve finally gotten around to reading Kerouac and the open road is calling your name. It’s time to break out that Cotopaxi backpack your parents got you two Christmases ago and get moving. You only have two real options for this one: you can either follow tradition and head West, preferably on a bike, or you can splurge on a plane ticket and take this show overseas. This means, of course, the U.K., Japan, or Southeast Asia. Anywhere else doesn’t count. (Seriously, don’t even bother checking a map.) Expand your world view, make some friends, become the first ever quirked-up white boy in history to discover Buddhism. Just be sure to document the whole thing on your Instagram stories — we’ll be cheering you on with poorly-concealed envy from back home!
Just go to Dal:
This is just like FYPing and dipping, except everything’s the exact same — but with the added benefit of never having to hear somebody talk to you about Foucault again. Except, probably, every time you go to Gin and Jazz. Or step foot on King’s campus. Or talk to your friends. … Ok, so nothing’s different. You can still count this, though! You’re being brave! You’re striking out on your own (approximately ten metres from where you started)! You’re … studying philosophy! Or something …
Drop Out:
Maybe you’re sick of writing essays about random dead people you don’t give two shits about. Maybe you’re breaking the mold, gently rebuffing your parent’s desires for you to join them in the unending, soulless strive towards money and success. Maybe you’ve caught on to the fact that the entire academic institution is just one big cultish, elaborate scam, and are smart enough you don’t need some joker in a tweed suit teaching you “how to think” — whatever that means. In that case — congratulations! You’ve broken free! We’re putting a framed, slightly unflattering photo of your face up in the basement of the A&A, and we promise to clean it up every time president Lahey drops by to throw rotten tomatoes at you! As for next steps … Uhhh. Maybe get a job? I don’t know. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.
In all seriousness, there’s no shame in dipping. Just don’t expect King’s to stop sending you requests for donations — because they won’t. If you can afford to move out of residence, you can also afford to invest a couple grand towards the university’s bright, shiny future. With your alumnus dollars, the construction of that magnificent modern art piece set to replace the athletics building will surely be ready to commence by early 2076! Who needs a whole degree when that could be your legacy?